24 June 2006


Do you know how long it's been since I was last up and awake at midnight?

A really, really long time.

How strange... I repeat: one day, I will be a very happy morning person.

Creepy. Good and kind of cool, but creepy.

That's all. 'Night.

Mood: Ready for bed Listening to: Bethany Dillon, Imagination
Reading: My brother's blog

22 June 2006

Catching my breath

The past few days have been kind of nuts here at work. It's like they just realized that they need all of this stuff done before things go live at the end of next week and, so, I am winding up being the beneficiary - I have been running around like a madwoman throwing documents together when I don't even know what is really needed.

It's kind of intense.

But it's kept me busy, which has been wonderful. I've gone home the last few nights and just been exhausted, which is entertaining. My bedtime has shifted considerably since leaving college only six weeks ago. Last night, I was in bed around ten after I played piano for a while and read my Bible and some other stuff.

I must apologize, though, to anyone who calls me when I am halfway asleep - it's not intentional, it just happens. I'm not exactly coherent and I'm not exactly entertaining when I sound like I'm drugged (I'm not, don't worry).

Tonight, I'm going to Laura's to help out with some wedding stuff and figure out scheduling and stuff since I'm not going to be here next week and the wedding is the week after. There's so much to do and not enough time to get it all done!

But things have finally died down a little here at work, although I do think it will pick back up after lunch. It sounds like I have a lot of work to try and get done as fast as humanly possible, which for me means by tomorrow.

So... this could get interesting. In a lot of ways, my mind is already heading out to camp, which isn't the best scenario, but one that is definitely a reality. It's too tempting to just start packing things up and that kind of thing - all I can really let myself do is keep praying and wait for tomorrow night to roll around.

Things have been a lot better lately. God has given me a desire to be in His Word again, which has been such a blessing - how much we are renewed by a daily washing in Scripture! Beth Moore's study on Daniel has been good at pointing out and connecting things that I know to be true.

But, still, pray for me - if only because I will be with what could be 40-60 teenage girls next week and a young staff (which will be strange because that never happens). Spiritual warfare is always running rampant at Mountaintop and every year is different, so we need as much prayer as we can get.

Pastor Don and his wife have already been up on the hillside praying for weeks. They come earlier every year, each one more fervent to see those that walk in the camp gates come to know a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, their Savior.

Well, I'm going to see if my boss is around now. Perhaps she'll have something that's not documentation-related for me to do. That might be nice for a change.

Mood: Sluggish Listening to: A rare quiet in the office
Reading: Rob Richards, Has God Finished with Israel?

20 June 2006

Brain Food

"Only in the reflecting pool of the poured-out life can man finally see who he is."
[[Beth Moore]]

I like Beth Moore. And I like the fact that I get to go sleep very soon.

Mood: Good and tired Listening to: Nothing, actually
Reading: Rob Richards, Has God Finished with Israel?

19 June 2006

There's only so much you can do...

...when you don't permanently work somewhere.

I am currently awaiting further instruction and information regarding a few projects that I have been commissioned to work on. Amazingly, I have had about three hours' worth of work to do today, which is up from the 20-30 minutes I did some days last week. Good news for me, especially when I didn't get a full 40 hours in last week and I won't be around next week.

Why not? You might ask. I'm going to camp (yay!).

I'm going out to help out for the week and then I'm coming back for the week leading up to Laura's wedding, which includes several exciting but not-yet-planned activites. There is so much to do when it comes to weddings.

Honestly, I just want to hand most of it over to someone else and have them deal with the details. Sure, I want to have a say in things, but I don't really want to put in the legwork. We'll see how that works when I do get married - I might care more than I think I will. I hope not, but we'll see.

Tonight, I'm going out with Laura and Emily for a girls' night. Andy is going to be our driver (which I'm sure he is just thrilled about).

Other than that, life is pretty bland. I finally finished my quilt, sang with the worship team yesterday, and continue to try and catch a live version of Chris every few days instead of his voicemail while he's in New Orleans.

Funny boy. I sent a package to him this morning. It's contents? A copy of the USA-Italy World Cup game from last Saturday. He wanted it; I sent it.

What can I say? I'm just a sucker, I guess. That happens when you miss someone that you love. Oh well. I don't care. I'll be happier for it in the long run, so it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks.

I've been learning a lot lately, for sure. I started Beth Moore's study on Daniel and have almost finished the second week. The different things that she ties in are so appropriate for where I am right now and it has been such a blessing.

And I finished "Whatever Happened to Worship" by A.W. Tozer, of which the last two chapters are pretty mentally challenging. Good stuff, though. Good stuff.

Today, I have laminated a project that I have been working on for a while now. I also managed to "find" time to organize some stuff into binders and send out a bunch of emails. My boss is gone through Wednesday, so there's even less to do than normal. I had to solicit various people in the department to see if anyone had anything for me to do.

Gotta go deliver the laminated deliverables now. What a life I lead!

Mood: Not sure, but good Listening to: People talk over cubicles
Reading: Old e-mails, old accountability stuff

13 June 2006

Disk space

So... my dad just bought four 40GB hard drives so we can start recording.

That's the best news I've heard in a while, though now comes the actual grunt work.

Oh well... recording is hard, but it's a beautiful thing.

That's it. I need some sleep because my body needs to stop waking me up before my alarm goes off... stupid morning adjustment thing.

I'm starting to resign myself to the fact that I will be a morning person someday, and a very happy one at that.

But it still weirds me out.

Mood: Tired Listening to: The doorbell that just rang
Reading: My list of crazy dreams - my subconscious needs help

12 June 2006

The disadvantages of being home-bound...

I feel like I'm just existing, which is crazy, but almost completely true. It's too much effort to try and fit myself into the lives of others simply because my life isn't here. I just don't have the energy.

Over the past few weeks, it has been confirmed that I am meant to be here - I have a job, for crying out loud! A full-time, be-here-until-you-go-back-to-school job that keeps me busy and distracted and is allowing me to save up money while I live under my parents' roof and enjoy the rain every evening as I go to bed earlier than I have in over a year so I can get up and see hours I have rarely seen in the past year and do it all over again.

It's great... it's just always the same.

Except my dreams. They keep changing, for sure. I've had so many bizarre dreams recently that I'm starting to write them down in order to speculate crazily about whether or not there's any pattern to the madness. There's not even really anyone to tell anything to, either.

And, after tomorrow, pretty much all of my friends are in Louisiana or some other distant place that is unreachable by an hour and a half or less in the car. I know I'll be fine... but right now I just want to do what I've been doing a lot of the time over the past few days - I just want to curl up in my bed and let myself cry.

This is to be such a time of stretching, I know... but I already feel as though I've reached my limit and it's barely begun. The next seven weeks are going to chew me up and spit me back out in ways I never dreamed of (no matter how bizarre my dreams get).

I'll be stronger in the end. God will bless me for remaining where I am to be.

It's just that I ask the same question as C.S. Lewis: How painful will "the best" turn out to be?

Only time will tell.

Until then, pray for me.

Mood: Depressed Listening to: My ceiling fan
Reading: Nothing - I finished The Devil Wears Prada last night

06 June 2006

Working "hard"

I'm currently at my job and I have nothing to do. And my boss is in a meeting until (supposedly) 12:30... at which point I will have done nothing for approximately three hours. But I have a job, which is really good because it's full-time for the rest of the summer.

John comes home Friday. Chris leaves Tuesday. Lauren and Greg are moving to Texas as soon as they get back from their honeymoon. Too much moving about.

Well... I'm going to find something to do now.

Mood: Bored Listening to: Cubicle noises
Reading: About a baby in China with three arms