24 October 2005

The Crazy Life

Okay... it's been kind of hectic around here lately, so I'll try to catch you up on what I've done since the last time I wrote.

Oct. 14-16, Weekend
*I went home. I made a lot of sweet stuff that I really should not eat, but I have been. I watched hockey and football with my dad. I hung out with Laura, who came up to see me. I did a lot of reading for my classes. Good stuff.

Last Monday
*I didn't have Reporting, so my day was infinitely better. I worked on Distinctives and took a nap, I think. And I went to Distinctives, which was a great look at how the local church is meant to be a community.

*I went to Copy-editing, which was awesome... we learned about false possessives (I won't go into that because you are probably not as much of a grammar geek as I am) and then our lab was cancelled because our instructor was sick. I spent the afternoon reading, which was wonderful because I never get to read what I want to read. Joshua and Matthew and Blue Like Jazz... all great stuff. Then, I went to the city council meeting because I had an exercise for Reporting that depended upon my attending the meeting and getting a story in by midnight. High stress. Controversial topic because they gave the first reading of the new rental laws... I left at ten, but they kept going. I wrote my story while distracted by other stuff, but got it in on time.

*Class. Wrote a really long blog entry that the computer proceeded to eat when I pushed the spell-check button. Met with my advisor. Still graduating next December. Ate food. Slept, I think. College group. Did a microediting exercise for Copy-editing, which was fun (for me, at least).

*Copy-editing. Quiz I forgot about. Slept 'cause I was tired. Went to worship practice, which is always interesting. Went to small group, which was sweet because we had a free-for-all, of sorts, with worship, scripture and prayer. Not being in a good mood, Chris and I went to the park because I didn't want to go back to the dorms. Eventually went to sleep.

*Having slept through both of my classes, I spent the afternoon reading (I think) and just having time for myself. The guys went over to Eddie's for "guy time" and then Chris and I rented "Big Daddy," which was funny. I freaked out about some stuff for a while, which wasn't so good, but it was good to have a (mostly) quiet night. Eventually went to sleep.

*Slept in, which was nice (although I didn't sleep very well because I had a bunch of odd dreams). Read a little. Went bowling with Chris' family, which was fun. It's better than it was because I am more comfortable with them than I have been. Somewhere along the line, I managed to get a headache. Eventually went to bed.

*I woke up at 5 a.m. with the worst headache I've had in a really long time. After taking some Tylenol, I crawled back into bed and waited for it to kick in, which it eventually did. Needless to say, I didn't sleep well, so I tried to sleep during church, which didn't work so well either. I got up, feeling like I got beat up while I was trying to sleep and read for a while (I finished Joshua). Ate lunch. Started reading Jung again, who is quite the... I don't think he really understood what it was that he was writing. Either that or, as a psychologist, he had detached himself to the point where he became incapable of feeling. I don't know. I'm done reading it for now. Watched the football game while I read. Broncos lost. Read some more until I finished what I needed to glean from Jung. Then we watched "Office Space," which only served to prove that I am a complete nerd who has worked in an engineering department. Finally fell asleep around 3:30 a.m., I think...

*Got up at 8 a.m. and went to class, which is where I am now. I worked on a puzzle during Lit, took notes like a madwoman in Media History and listened to the local paper's crime reporter talk about her experiences for the first part of Reporting. Now, we're talking about story ideas for our final, which we could easily do just as efficiently with email, but we have to be here for some reason. I'm tired and hungry, and I just want to go back to the dorm, to be honest. I have stuff to do, though, because I need to read more for Lit (I have a paper due Friday) and I have to get my Distinctives assignment done for tonight. And it's already almost 1 p.m.

That's it. Not too exciting, right? Well, for those who care... it's there. :)

Mood: Hungry Listening to: Nothing. Chelsea has my iPod.
Reading: Nothing. I finished Blue Like Jazz Friday.

14 October 2005

Homeward Bound

Yes, this week has been kind of crazy, but I am finally done with my midterms and projects and stuff. The only thing left is to find my critiques for my feature story and then rewrite it and get it in before I leave.

Which could be a problem because I can't find the critiques... :)

Anyway, I'm finally going home. It's been six weeks, I think, which is a crazy long time. It will be strange, though, because it will be quiet this time. John's not there anymore and he always filled the house with noise.

It will be good though, 'cause I'll get to spend time with the 'rents, get some work done (which I need to do a lot of) and then I get to have a sleepover with Laura tomorrow night(!)

I'm so excited! We're actually going to act like real friends who get to spend time with one another!

So... I'm going to go find stuff now. Then work. That would be good.

Mood: Good Listening to: David Crowder Band, A Collision (or 3+4+7)
Reading: Criticism about my feature story

10 October 2005

"When our depravity meets His divinity it is a beautiful collision."

Not a few Christians live in a state of unbroken anxiety, and others fret and fume terribly. To be perfectly at peace amid the hurly-burly of daily life is a secret worth knowing. What is the use of worrying? It never made anybody strong; never helped anybody to do God's will; never made a way of escape for anyone out of perplexity. Worry spoils lives which would otherwise be useful and beautiful. Restlessness, anxiety, and care are absolutely forbidden by our Lord, who said: "Take no thought," that is, no anxious thought, "saying what shall we eat, or what shall we drink, or wherewithal shall we be clothed?" He does not mean that we are not to take forethought and that our life is to be without plan or method; but that we are not to worry about these things. People know you live in the realm of anxious care by the lines on your face, the tones of your voice, the minor key in your life, and the lack of joy in your spirit. Scale the heights of a life abandoned to God, then you will look down on the clouds beneath your feet.
[[Rev. Darlow Sargeant]]

The last few days, I have been overcome with worry for different things. For what reason I allow myself to succumb to my emotions, I do not yet know, though I suspect it may have something to do with my inability to let myself rest, be happy or remain at peace for any extended amount of time.

And yet, Christ tells us to "take no thought" at what we need; how little we should worry about our basest of needs, much less those things that we want!

But it is still all too simple to get caught up in my to-do list with my (seemingly) endless pile of extended assignments and upcoming exams and projects and regular deadlines. It is too simple to get frustrated when a computer program doesn't work quite the way I want it to and when I don't have the right fonts to be able to gauge correctly just what it is that needs to be fixed and finished.

This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says:
"In repentance and rest is your salvation,
in quietness and trust is your strength,
but you would have none of it.

[[Isaiah 30:15]]

I am being called to rest, to slow down in certain areas of my life, but it is almost as though I will "have none of it".

It is just that I have yet to translate where to draw the line with my schoolwork. I am to be diligent at minimum, but I have yet to find a balancing point on that... To be honest, I have yet to be diligent with anything more than deadlines.

I'm facing a tough week academically, especially after having missed four days last week, but my prayer is that what I have to do will not consume me. I merely need to understand that things need to get done and then get them done (which is normally the harder part).

The urge to be done with school continues to arise. I'm so close, but I still have so much to do!

And, at the same time, there are some things that have come up in the last few days that I need to take the time to address and address thoroughly (instead of just pushing them out of my mind, like I usually do).

I'm learning to let go, to lean on what I know is true... Even when my mind still struggles with trusting the plans that God has for me. Every day seems to be a learning curve these days.

This is a season of preparation.

"For what?" you may ask. I don't know. And that's scary.

But I'm laying my fears at His feet, though it might take a while.

I await the day when I fear no more, when there are no more residuals from past experiences that threaten my mind's ability to enjoy what my Father has given me... My prayer is that I would live freely in the love and grace that Christ has so beautifully provided for me.

Love so incredible to know it's never gonna go, never gonna go.
Love too impossible and true for anyone but You, for anyone but You.

I think I'm on the brink of something large.
Maybe like the breaking of a dawn.
Or maybe like a match being lit, or the sinking of a ship, letting go gives a better grip.

I'm finding everything I'll ever need by giving up, gaining everything.
Falling for You for eternity, right here at Your feet, where I want to be.
I am Yours.

Love so indelible to know You're never gonna go, You're never gonna go.
Love too unthinkable and true for anyone but You, for anyone but You.

I'm finding everything I'll ever need by giving up, gaining everything.
Falling for You for eternity, right here at Your feet, where I want to be.
I am Yours.

Forever and ever and ever and ever and...

[["Foreverandever Etc..." | ©2005 David Crowder, Jack Parker, Mike Dodson]]

Mood: Ready for bed Listening to: David Crowder Band, A Collision
Reading: Cowman, Streams in the Desert

07 October 2005

Forced into Stillness

"Cease striving and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth." [[Psalm 46:10]]

Last Thursday, Sept. 29, I came back from the Plaza frustrated and fully set on defending Christ; I felt I was personally responsible for defending Christ! Nevermind that He doesn't need me to defend Him! Nevermind that He will be exalted!

I sat down and opened my Bible, seeking to calm myself because I knew I was too worked up to accomplish much of anything. At first, I tried to read from where I was in Joshua, but couldn't concentrate. I flipped to the Psalms instead, landing on Psalm 46. I started reading and received a spiritual 2x4 to the head.

He will be exalted! I do not need to defend Him! He already has the victory!

That lesson learned, I headed into this past week with deadlines and tasks overwhelming my mental capacities. While in class Monday morning, I started feeling nauseous and a tension in my stomach muscles.

Monday night, the tension turned to sharp pains that lasted through Wednesday, when I finally went to the clinic and they gave me something to take away the nausea.

When I went back Thursday, they did some tests, thinking it was probably an E. coli infection, but not ruling out another type of bacterial infection.

Needless to say, I haven't been to a class since Monday. For most of the week I haven't been able to do much more than lie down. No reading, no writing, no walking upright without someone next to me to make sure I didn't fall over...

It hasn't been fun. I hate being sick. I hate being bored. I hate depending on other people.

But I've had to just "cease striving" and let God be God... there has been absolutely nothing I can do but try and get nutrients into my system (which I'm actually really bad about - just ask Chris). I have never known such pain and I am so grateful that this is just an infection and not something I have to deal with every day. I am so blessed to be regularly healthy.

I felt normal last night for a few hours, which was wonderful. I got to enjoy some good food and fellowship (after a week of non-coherence) with the SV small group.

Felt somewhat icky this morning, but that seems to have passed for the most part - just in time for Chris, Stephen, Dave, and Tyler to come home sick from attempting the BeauJo's Challenge (12-14 lbs of pizza between two people in one hour's time).

I went back to the clinic this afternoon (for the third time in three days). They ruled out E. coli and gave me an anti-biotic while they wait to see if anything else develops. They're still banking on a bacterial infection.

I really want to go out and get a copy of the new David Crowder Band CD because it's amazing, but my financial situation is not-so-good right now and I have to figure that out (especially after having paid for medicine this week).

Mom and Dad are coming up tomorrow night (most likely) and I'm excited to see them. It's been five weeks since I was last home and I'm really starting to miss my family. I'm going to try to get home next weekend, which should be good.

Well... I should make my way back to the dorm to see if the boys are back from their gorging festival. See if they need anything, you know?

That's all for now... hopefully, this will be updated more regularly. :)

And for all who have yet to hear Laura's announcement, you should visit her blog:

Mood: Spent Listening to: David Crowder Band, A Collision
Reading: Psalm 107

01 October 2005

Gone Retreating...

I know I haven't really updated lately, but... welp... no excuse is really going to help me.

I'm leaving for Estes Park in about five hours, though, so I really need to get some sleep.

I will try and write a big long entry when I get back Sunday, but for now... Goodnight. :)

Mood: Sleepy Listening to: everybodyduck, Seized by the Power of a Great Affection
Reading: Donald Miller, Blue Like Jazz