Brain Food

"Only in the reflecting pool of the poured-out life can man finally see who he is."
[[Beth Moore]]

I like Beth Moore. And I like the fact that I get to go sleep very soon.

Mood: Good and tired Listening to: Nothing, actually
Reading: Rob Richards, Has God Finished with Israel?

There's only so much you can do...

...when you don't permanently work somewhere.

I am currently awaiting further instruction and information regarding a few projects that I have been commissioned to work on. Amazingly, I have had about three hours' worth of work to do today, which is up from the 20-30 minutes I did some days last week. Good news for me, especially when I didn't get a full 40 hours in last week and I won't be around next week.

Why not? You might ask. I'm going to camp (yay!).

I'm going out to help out for the week and then I'm coming back for the week leading up to Laura's wedding, which includes several exciting but not-yet-planned activites. There is so much to do when it comes to weddings.

Honestly, I just want to hand most of it over to someone else and have them deal with the details. Sure, I want to have a say in things, but I don't really want to put in the legwork. We'll see how that works when I do get married - I might care more than I think I will. I hope not, but we'll see.

Tonight, I'm going out with Laura and Emily for a girls' night. Andy is going to be our driver (which I'm sure he is just thrilled about).

Other than that, life is pretty bland. I finally finished my quilt, sang with the worship team yesterday, and continue to try and catch a live version of Chris every few days instead of his voicemail while he's in New Orleans.

Funny boy. I sent a package to him this morning. It's contents? A copy of the USA-Italy World Cup game from last Saturday. He wanted it; I sent it.

What can I say? I'm just a sucker, I guess. That happens when you miss someone that you love. Oh well. I don't care. I'll be happier for it in the long run, so it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks.

I've been learning a lot lately, for sure. I started Beth Moore's study on Daniel and have almost finished the second week. The different things that she ties in are so appropriate for where I am right now and it has been such a blessing.

And I finished "Whatever Happened to Worship" by A.W. Tozer, of which the last two chapters are pretty mentally challenging. Good stuff, though. Good stuff.

Today, I have laminated a project that I have been working on for a while now. I also managed to "find" time to organize some stuff into binders and send out a bunch of emails. My boss is gone through Wednesday, so there's even less to do than normal. I had to solicit various people in the department to see if anyone had anything for me to do.

Gotta go deliver the laminated deliverables now. What a life I lead!

Mood: Not sure, but good Listening to: People talk over cubicles
Reading: Old e-mails, old accountability stuff

Disk space

So... my dad just bought four 40GB hard drives so we can start recording.

That's the best news I've heard in a while, though now comes the actual grunt work.

Oh well... recording is hard, but it's a beautiful thing.

That's it. I need some sleep because my body needs to stop waking me up before my alarm goes off... stupid morning adjustment thing.

I'm starting to resign myself to the fact that I will be a morning person someday, and a very happy one at that.

But it still weirds me out.

Mood: Tired Listening to: The doorbell that just rang
Reading: My list of crazy dreams - my subconscious needs help

The disadvantages of being home-bound...

I feel like I'm just existing, which is crazy, but almost completely true. It's too much effort to try and fit myself into the lives of others simply because my life isn't here. I just don't have the energy.

Over the past few weeks, it has been confirmed that I am meant to be here - I have a job, for crying out loud! A full-time, be-here-until-you-go-back-to-school job that keeps me busy and distracted and is allowing me to save up money while I live under my parents' roof and enjoy the rain every evening as I go to bed earlier than I have in over a year so I can get up and see hours I have rarely seen in the past year and do it all over again.

It's great... it's just always the same.

Except my dreams. They keep changing, for sure. I've had so many bizarre dreams recently that I'm starting to write them down in order to speculate crazily about whether or not there's any pattern to the madness. There's not even really anyone to tell anything to, either.

And, after tomorrow, pretty much all of my friends are in Louisiana or some other distant place that is unreachable by an hour and a half or less in the car. I know I'll be fine... but right now I just want to do what I've been doing a lot of the time over the past few days - I just want to curl up in my bed and let myself cry.

This is to be such a time of stretching, I know... but I already feel as though I've reached my limit and it's barely begun. The next seven weeks are going to chew me up and spit me back out in ways I never dreamed of (no matter how bizarre my dreams get).

I'll be stronger in the end. God will bless me for remaining where I am to be.

It's just that I ask the same question as C.S. Lewis: How painful will "the best" turn out to be?

Only time will tell.

Until then, pray for me.

Mood: Depressed Listening to: My ceiling fan
Reading: Nothing - I finished The Devil Wears Prada last night

Working "hard"

I'm currently at my job and I have nothing to do. And my boss is in a meeting until (supposedly) 12:30... at which point I will have done nothing for approximately three hours. But I have a job, which is really good because it's full-time for the rest of the summer.

John comes home Friday. Chris leaves Tuesday. Lauren and Greg are moving to Texas as soon as they get back from their honeymoon. Too much moving about.

Well... I'm going to find something to do now.

Mood: Bored Listening to: Cubicle noises
Reading: About a baby in China with three arms