Stilling 'Even Me'

The past few weeks have been quite a change from the first few weeks of the semester.

In the beginning, everything was coming toward me at once, everything demanded my attention. Now, I'm trying to learn how to rest, how to slow down.

Slowing down is so difficult for me to do... I like to be busy, to have something to occupy myself with. So rarely will I take the time to just sit and be alone.

Why the sudden change of pace?

Every once in a while, I go through a stage where I become extremely anti-social. It's not that I don't want to spend time with people (because I love doing so and wish I could do so more), it's just that I can only take so much before my head starts to hurt and I just want to curl up under a blanket and sleep.

I've been trying to balance being social and being on my own, and so far, it seems to be working all right. It's good for me to force myself into silence as much as it is good for me to be placed in positions of fellowship.

This, too, shall pass. Soon enough, I will be social again and I'll be a changed child of God (again, as always).

I am so incredibly blessed; I pray my lack of desire for social interaction would not dampen my witness here in the hall and on-campus.

"Beautiful Confusion" was written about a month ago under some very interesting circumstances that are almost completely opposite of those I am now experiencing (and which I have no complaints about).

In stark contrast stands what I wrote this afternoon:

The stillness that surrounds me
echoes the timbre of my heart.
For in this blessed quietness,
conversation is an art.

This peace that flows like rivers to the open sea
Reminds me I am placed just where I am to be.

My Father knows me -
He reads each thought upon my mind.
My Father loves me -
and His sacrifice is mine.
My Father sees me -
I am forever in His sight.

Yes, me.
Even me.

Perhaps none of this actually makes sense and I'm just rambling, but sometimes, it's okay to ramble. And sometimes, it is okay to go to sleep, which I am going to do right now.

Stillness and quiet and rest. May we know more with every day.

Mood: Tired Listening to: Exit East, Exit East
Reading: C.S. Lewis, The Silver Chair