Off and Away

I'm hanging up the blogging for two (maybe three) weeks, as I am headed out for camp tomorrow and I will probably be without technology (and especially Internet acess) for the same amount of time.

It will be my sixth year on staff and my third as Senior staff (which I just love). I'm ready to see the campers that I have watched grow up over the years - it is so amazing to see God working in their lives.

This past week was just nuts and I can't believe it's time to pack up and leave like I have done so many times over the years. My bags are almost packed, but not quite, and I have to get up early to finish and get to church before we leave.

It will definitely be a long day, but it will be worth it. At its end, I will find myself in the midst of the familiar deafening silence that is different each year, in a place where God breaks me differently each year.

Just a little smoother... :)

If you need to get ahold of me for whatever reason, feel free to call and leave a message on my cell phone. I will try and get back to you as soon as I can, but it might take a while (camp runs Monday afternoon through Saturday morning). Hopefully, I'll get to check messages once a day, but those plans can easily change. I'll get back to you ASAP.

I pray you are all growing in the Lord. All my love. I'm out of here!

Mood: Eager Listening to: House sounds (it's 2AM!)
Reading: Psalm 119

Um...

I'm alive, I promise! It's just been a crazy week and I've been finishing up my job hunt, and realizing that I still have to pack and clean the house, and tonight I had accountability with Laura...

Not to mention I'm leaving on Sunday for what could be three weeks... :)

Still tired. Still braindead. Still more to do.

Anyway... Things are good. That's it. 'Night. :)

Mood: Chipper Listening to: Tree63, The Answer to the Question
Reading: L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables

The Bane and Blessing of Seasonal Stock Rooms

I spent the last two hours of my shift today in a seasonal stock room full of Christmas ornaments, candles, etc. A whole ton of merchandise crammed into a little shelved, non-ventilated room in the middle of summertime.

Yeah... that was smart.

But it got me more hours after just about everyone left, which is good because I need the money.

It also managed to make me completely braindead after counting certain fixtures 4-5 times to figure out why I couldn't get my numbers to match up (something I haven't really had a problem with until now).

It would be okay if there were only a few items per fixture, but we're talking 70-100 on average with things that have to be moved around (and remembered where they were moved to) and moved back - all while not double-scanning/counting anything.

I officially have the most boring job in the world. And my feet hurt.

And I get to do the same thing tomorrow. Again. Praise God - I am so grateful I have a job, even if it's only temporary (as all things are).

I'm going to go eat dinner now and go to TNL with Laura and John before I come home and (I'm praying) sleep really well until 4:15 tomorrow morning when I have to get up. That would be nice. 'Night.

1, 2, 3, ... 137,...

So I spent seven hours of my day in a department store with a scanner, scanning individual barcodes and then counting merchandise (to double-check numbers).

How incredibly boring can a job get?

But at least it's a job, even if it's only for four days.

After that, I ate lunch and spent an hour wandering around asking if people were hiring.

Surprise! No one wants to hire anyone for summer work at this point in the summer... they're just looking for permanent people. No luck for me, I guess, but I have a few more days to look.

Then... camp! :)

My feet hurt like crazy and it's good to finally sit down... I might take a nap, too, because I didn't sleep as well as I wanted to last night. Hmm...

Mood: Braindead Listening to: Mae, The Everglow
Reading: A.W. Tozer, God Tells the Man Who Cares

Exhausted at 8pm

Kind of sad, isn't it, that I'm exhausted and it's not even remotely close to my normal bedtime?

I didn't sleep so well last night and got up for church... and I forced myself to not take a nap this afternoon because I have to be up at hours I haven't seen recently for work tomorrow (day one of four doing inventory - whoopee).

So, I guess it's kind of a good thing that I'm exhausted because, hopefully, it will result in my sleeping well until I get up at 4:15am tomorrow. And job-hunting afterward... I'm just a picture of sarcastic glee at the moment.

When I get through this week, I'm headed off to Montrose for 2-3 weeks (still not sure how long I'll be there yet), so I'll be out in the middle of nowhere for a while, worshipping God with campers I've had for the past five years or so. I'm really excited that I'm going to get to go... every year, it's a big thing to find out if we can still go out for a week or two (or three). It'll be good to see my family on the Western Slope and be surrounded by fellowship for a while.

But I'll miss Laura - she was going to go, but she's having knee surgery (again) in the next week or so, so... she no go. :(

The one thing I feel I'm starving for here at home is fellowship. Part of it is my desire to be anti-social after some things that I'm still working through from the end of this past semester, but part of it is just that I don't fit anymore... and part of me has just given up trying.

I'm going to go spend some time at my Savior's feet now... and then I'm going to hit the sack. Sleep... :)

Mood: Tired Listening to: Mae, The Everglow
Reading: L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables

You know you're tired when...

...you can't see straight. As I can't right now. There's a little squiggly line across my vision... I don't think that's good.

I've had a long week, to say the least. A lot of run-ins with my mom (the honeymoon period is definitely over on my being home), job-hunting, interviews, dinners, haircut, etc.

It's been crazy and I'm now tired enough to have a line across my vision. Must be time for sleep. :)

Here are some highlights...

Sunday: I was in Fort Collins, which was awesome. It was great to see everyone for a while. I miss school. :(
Tuesday: Went to TNL with Laura and Andy and went to Chili's afterward. Being Flag Day and Dave's birthday, I gave 'im a call. Good to know he's still alive.
Wednesday: Alison Krauss and Union Station and Red Rocks. Fight with Mom. Complicated but sweet.
Thursday: Job-hunting with the brother at the mall. Secured work for four days next week. That's it. Still looking.
Friday: Late for haircut. Haircut. On the way to my job interview, was tapped from behind by a young woman whose brakes aren't working correctly. Job interview (I don't expect anything to come of it). Went home. Dinner with old friends and their kids (which I used to baby-sit before they moved).

I think it's time to get some sleep before I black out or something. Maybe I'll have coherent thoughts tomorrow. Maybe. 'Night.

Mood: Lonely Listening to: Alison Krauss and Union Station, LIVE
Reading: Luke 12 & 13

Just a Little Smoother in His Hand

The past few weeks have been quite a process, but a good one.

I have been able to come home and enjoy being home; I have been steadily growing; I have been sorting out what became so jumbled toward the end of the semester; I am finding rest; I am being prepared for leadership this fall in a way that God has never prepared me before; I am learning to be content in each moment.

I am being made smoother day-by-day - Christ is working in me and ironing out my wrinkles while preparing me for the new ones He will reveal in the coming seasons.

And I am excited - for life here, for life in Fort Collins this fall, for being a servant devoted to His work, for music, for writing, for all that He has given to me.

I am learning to be grateful, despite the circumstances.

I am learning not to worry about what is beyond my control.

I am learning to lean like never before.

And I am learning how much I need self-discipline.

Tozer's "The Prayer of a Minor Prophet" has been a major point of conviction for me over the past few days.

"Let me not waste my days puttering around the house. ... Deliver me from overeating and late sleeping. Teach me self discipline that I may be a good soldier of Jesus Christ."

Coupled with Psalm 119, which I am spending time memorizing and meditating upon, I have been recognizing how little control I truly have over what I do with my days, over what I do out of obedience.

"You have laid down precepts that are to be fully obeyed.
Oh, that my ways were steadfast in obeying Your decrees!
Then I would not be put to shame when I consider all Your commands.
I will praise You with an upright heart as I learn Your righteous laws.
I will obey Your decrees; do not utterly forsake me."
[[Psalm 119:4-8]]

"By obeying one learns to obey." [[George MacDonald]]

I keep praying that I would be forced into diligence - that I would not waste my days "puttering" about the house.

I am here to rest, but not to be utterly useless. Oh, that my ways were steadfast in obedience!

But at the end of the day, I can simply pray that I am a changed child - that I am "just a little smoother" in His hand.

Praise be to the God that is determined to smooth our wrinkles.

Mood: Expectant Listening to: Nichole Nordeman, Wide Eyed
Reading: A.W. Tozer, "We Need Sanctified Thinkers"

Friday Night

I had another interview today... this one was definitely more promising than the last.

I haven't slept very well the past few nights, although I have now moved back to my bed (yay!). Yesterday, I actually woke up at 8am because I stopped feeling pain (and it was a shock to my system - kind of funny, to be honest). So... I'm really tired and despite the fact that it's a quarter after nine on a Friday night, I'm really considering just going upstairs, reading a book, and going to sleep as fast as I possibly can. :)

Laura went to the Springs tonight. I wanted to go, but decided that it probably wouldn't be the best idea (for a number of reasons). I'm going to Fort Collins tomorrow, so that's really exciting, but I need some rest first.

Anyway... on my way to bed now. 'Night.

Mood: Sleepy Listening to: Copeland, In Motion
Reading: A.W. Tozer, "The Prayer of a Minor Prophet"

Jail break!

I finally left the house tonight... went to TNL with John, stopped and bought a CD at Wal-Mart (because my mom gave me some money), and went to DQ to see just how busy Laura is at work. :)

Anyway... I almost look normal again. Almost. My cheeks are still larger than they really should be, but the swelling is finally starting to go down and stay down, which is a blessing.

And I have finally stopped feeling nauseous (so I've actually been eating somewhat decently), which is another blessing... I stopped taking Vicodin a few days ago and have, instead, been loading up on Advil and Tylenol to dull the pain. Still hurts, but it is thankfully getting better (even if it is slow).

Still sleeping on the couch... so maybe that has something to do with it. I want to lie completely horizontal for once... I haven't done so since last Thursday! I want to wear my retainers! I want to brush all of my teeth! I want to eat chips! :(

But it's okay... At least the pain is finally subsiding.

Laura dropped off some puzzles today, so I've been working on those. I think I'm just going to take tomorrow easy and, if I'm doing a lot better, I'll go job-hunting Thursday/Friday.

I feel like it's Wednesday... Does anyone else feel that way? I just can't keep track of the days.

I'm planning on heading up to Fort Collins on Saturday/Sunday (yay!) and possibly down to the Springs with Laura and her friend, Andy, on Friday (but that's still vastly undecided). It'll be good to see people.

I'm really getting homesick for the Fort. It's still good to be here at home, but I just wish everyone could be here with me.

Time to do something else... :) 'Night.

Mood: Dazed Listening to: Copeland, In Motion
Reading: Jan Karon, In This Mountain

Something other than pain...

...would be really nice right about now.

I stopped taking the Vicodin because I have felt naseous all day, but that also means I have to rely on the Advil I'm taking to keep down the swelling (not working) and keep the pain at bay.

I was doing better! I'm not sure what happened, but here I am, back in pain and wanting my cheeks to go back to their regular size.

I wanted to go to the songwriters' coffeehouse tonight at church (heck - I wanted to be a part of it), but there's no possible way I'm going anywhere feeling like this.

When will this end?

Mood: Pained Listening to: House noises
Reading: NT Survey

Um...

Have I mentioned that I want Copeland's latest CD really badly? 'Cause I do. Along with a lot of other CDs.

I have $2.

CDs aren't going to happen.

Darn.

30 minutes to go...

...and I can take more Vicodin. :) It's the main reason that I am still awake (other than the fact that I'm not tired).

I was fine until a few hours ago and then the right side of my mouth (where they removed two teeth) started hurting really badly... but I had already taken some medicine, so I have to wait until 1:10am to take more.

I'm swollen like a chipmunk which, if I had nothing to do, I would find greatly amusing, but since there are a number of things I could have done this weekend besides sit around and wait for the swelling in my cheeks to go down... it's not amusing quite yet.

I iced the right side of my face all day, to no success... I think I'm more swollen now than when I began (and colder, too).

I just want my life back, is all. Watching movies is great and all, but how much can you do that before you go crazy?

I want to eat something other than ice cream, pudding, and mashed potatoes. Something solid. But I can't really have meat for about a week. I think John and I are going to have to hit Chipotle as soon as we get the green light... a burrito sounds heavenly right about now.

It sounds like I'm complaining and I guess I am, although I honestly don't mean it like that. Compared to what people used to go through, this is nothing... I just don't handle pain easily at all. I don't function with it.

Which is why I am extremely grateful that God has blessed me with a body that, for the most part, gives me no trouble.

As for now, I think I'm going to continue reading my book... I think I've read it before, but I'm really not sure. It might just be the Schedule II drugs talking, but I don't remember this story at all. Go figure.

Anyway, hope all is well. Ready for school to start up again? No? Me neither. 'Night.

Mood: Alert Listening to: The dogs breathing
Reading: Jan Karon, In This Mountain

Ouch

So, I had my wisdom teeth extracted this morning and am finally starting to feel the effects, despite Vicodin and Advil (among other things) running through my body.

Fun stuff, right? No, I don't think so...

Anyway, my brother and I are fairly doped up and watching a string of movies while attempting to get something nutritious into our bodies (so far, it's only been vanilla pudding and a chocolate milkshake all day).

Right, so... dependent upon how I feel over the next few days, updates might be scarce, but I just thought I'd let people know that I'm doing okay.

I'm alive, at least... that's good enough for now.

Mood: Slightly pained Listening to: Van Helsing on TV
Reading: Madeleine L'Engle, Sold into Egypt [[One chapter left!]]

Up and Down

This week has been... depressing? I mean, the first two weeks I was home I cleaned almost non-stop, moving things around and making sure everything was ready for friends and relatives during John's graduation party. Then, this past weekend was pretty much non-stop with the graduation and Katie and James' wedding, among other things.

But I knew that as soon as I had nothing to do, I would go crazy and... voila! You have me at about noon on Monday when I woke up. My brother and I went job hunting yesterday, which always puts me in a bad mood (because no one in their right mind would hire me to make food, do retail, or serve people anything) and then, I haven't been feeling too well, so that, coupled with my 9am appointment with my oral surgeon for Friday (wisdom teeth extraction) made the day a real "winner".

I did manage, however, to get a whole ten stars in Super Mario on N64... Ah! The good old days...

So, while I sat around this afternoon, stewing about how bored I am and how unhappy I am to be doing absolutely nothing, I managed to work myself into a verifiable bad mood. Not something I'm proud of.

Amazing how, as soon as I sat down to look for internships online this evening, the lady I've been waiting to hear from for a few weeks calls and says that my paperwork has been pushed through and I'm cleared to work - waiting for a job on the "Availability" list.

Which is good, because I need something to do... and I don't want to go out hunting to find it so, hopefully, this will work out. If it does, I'll have a little money with which to go visit friends with.

Because, despite how much I am enjoying the rest at home with my family and Laura, I am finally beginning to admit how much I miss the people that have become my family at school. The late night talks, runs to Wal-Mart, assorted movie watching, etc. is sorely missed... even the bad jokes. It seems my gluttony for stupidity only increases when I am around none at all. :) I keep putting off phone calls because I know it only makes me miss people more and I figure I might as well wait until I have money to call and say, "Hey, I'm coming to visit. Is that okay?" as opposed to "Hi. How are things in (fill in the blank)? Wish I could see you sometime soon."

See, last summer I really didn't leave anyone when I left school. I had three friends and we all had pretty packed summers, so... yeah, we didn't really try to keep up. But now, I have a whole family that I normally live and breathe and fellowship with. It's hard to think of all that I'm missing.

But I guess that's why we separate... we're meant to grow in times apart as much as we are to grow when we are together. If only I didn't have to be so depressed about it!

It's a lesson that is also pretty prominent in The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants, too, which Laura and I just got back from seeing. Good movie.

My kneecap keeps doing funny things when I walk... and I'll be doing funny things over the next few days, especially if the Vicadin is required.

Loopy Kate... this should be loads of fun.

Yes, this is a novel, but those are what I do best.

And Eddie! I came up with the opening line for my book... but it's subject to change, granted on what happens when I finally start writing it. :)

It's June 1st, and I am semi-employed. Praise God. 'Night.

Mood: Semi-depressed Listening to: Caedmon's Call, Back Home
Reading: Madeleine L'Engle, Sold into Egypt [[Only two more chapters!]]