Coming Soon...

Nothing is Sound - Switchfoot
July 19, 2005

'Nuf said. :)

A Graduation, A Wedding, and a Nap

Today was a very long day. It started at 5:30am when I went in to see if my brother was up yet.

His high school graduation started at 8:30 and was about an hour away. Kind of crazy, though... I have known a lot of the kids who graduated since they were nine or ten (they're the younger siblings of people I graduated with, too). Crazy stuff.

And then, we found John afterward and booked it to Katie and James' wedding (which we missed the ceremony), but we stayed for the reception. I'm so excited for them... this has been about eight years in the making, and it's just cool to see them finally married. :)

I think it's the first wedding I've gone to where I haven't had a large urge to run off and get married. Perhaps it is just that it's been a long time coming and I'm just so excited for them... perhaps it is just because of where I am right now on the "guy" issue... who knows. It was definitely refreshing to just be able to enjoy the wedding, though, for once.

Then, we came home! Traffic was terrible on the interstate highways due to the holiday weekend and the beginning of rush hour, so it took over an hour to get home, but we got home and I took a two-hour nap (which was wonderful) while John went to seven graduation open houses and our parents continued to clean for John's open house tomorrow afternoon.

What a day! I think I'm going to go try and rest now... a concept to be grasped, I'm sure. 'Night.

Mood: Content Listening to: Switchfoot, The Legend of Chin
Reading: NT Survey

Crazy Times

So, I'm sitting here eating a DQ Blizzard ('cause Laura was working today), and I'm trying to think of something coherent to write on this here blog... which is the problem, you know, because I have had very few coherent thoughts since I got home almost two weeks ago.

Anyway... I'm just going to shoot off random thoughts but, while numbered, not in any particular order. :)

1) The concert last night was... "wow" is pretty much the only word. It was just Mat and his guitar (which is so different from his album - very cool) and then Mute Math... they put on quite a show. The drummer duct-taped his earphones to his head (and his body). MM played a lot of stuff that I haven't heard (because, while their full-length album is recorded, it hasn't been released), and I just love the lyrics. There's some deep stuff buried in all that electronica. And Mat's last song about memorial stones in the middle of the Jordan... something that's been on my mind all semester. "Stones of remembrance" are so important in our lives... to look back and say, "that is where God led me through on dry land." Sweetness.

2) Nick and Chels came back with me last night and were here until about 9 tonight. It was good to see people from school (because I haven't seen anyone since I left). We watched "National Treasure" last night (and I actually saw all of it this time), went to Unique today and found some... "interesting" things (it's a thrift store... use your imagination), stopped by to see Laura at DQ... I then cooked dinner and Nick and Mom had a long conversation about Revelation, end-time prophecy, and Preterism. Good stuff.

3) "American Idol" finale tonight... Carrie won. Check this out: my parents actually voted (4x each) and were glued to the TV set... my life just got a whole lot stranger. LOL.

4) I was supposed to get called on Friday about a job... still haven't heard from the lady. I need to just email her, but I'm not so good with asking people for things, so we'll see how well that turns out.

5) My room is finally clean! I'm finally moved (back) into my room! I went through five boxes of school-related stuff and managed to get it down to two... it only took me three and a half hours.

6) My aunt's coming tomorrow... which means I have to pick up the downstairs (since Nick and Chels were there), wash the sheets, re-make the bed, etc.

7) John's graduating on Friday! I somehow (barely) made it through the baccalaureate Sunday without crying... I'm so proud of him.

8) After his graduation, we're going straight to a wedding! Oy! Katie and James... finally! I'm so excited for them...

9) Started a NT survey... I love learning context and history and stuff... everything else makes so much more sense!

10) I need something to do... It's been bad to this point, but after this weekend, I will really have nothing to do but sleep and read... I need a schedule! I'm going stir-crazy! Being home is great, but I need something to do!

Hope your weeks are going well... and not nearly as crazy as mine. I'm going to bed now. 'Night! :)

Mood: Delightfully Exhausted Listening to: Monarch, The Grandeur that Was Rome
Reading: Madeleine L'Engle, Sold into Egypt

Cleaning... again.

So, I moved back into my parents' house last Friday and then spent this week unpacking before learning that people were coming to clean our carpets yesterday. As a result, I spent Wednesday and Thursday repacking everything and moving just about everything I own down two flights of stairs into the basement.

And now, I am currently working on moving back into my room again. I'm also going through files and school stuff and throwing stuff out, etc. I have a lot of crap, I must say.

Anyway, my brother's all dressed and ready for prom... he's leaving in 15 minutes, pin-stripe tux and all, so I'm taking a break until he leaves. :)

Saturdays are great, but I really need a job. Oh well... God will provide one if it's meant to be.

Mood: Tired Listening to: Copeland, Beneath Medicine Tree
Reading: Inaccurate box labels

12:41am

Once again, I have been up way past my bedtime... this time, though, it was in an attempt to win one lousy game of solitaire on my computer while talking to some good friends online.

This past semester was hard on a lot of levels, especially regarding my interpersonal relationships with the girls that lived around me, but it's been cool to reconnect with some of them recently... and really cool to see what God has been teaching them. It is amazing how God disciplines His children and brings them back changed.

Change happens... but there are always good things to come.

Accountability with Laura tonight was awesome... there's nothing like talking (or just sitting) in a bookstore café while you drink hot tea with your best friend. She's so beautiful and she's come so far, but she's still "in progress," so she doesn't always see the changes God is making in her.

It's just a reminder that we all doubt our progress but, regardless, it is still being made. Praise God for that.

I spent the morning with my brother - he's growing into such an amazing young man. I'm so proud of him!

He has his Senior prom tomorrow night and graduates next week... I'm going to miss him when he's in California.

But change is the essence of time, right? It's natural... it happens.

And it can even be good - imagine that!

"To stay in the old situation makes discipleship impossible."
[[Dietrich Bonhoeffer]]

Ephesians 1:3-10. 'Night.

Mood: Tranquil Listening to: House sounds
Reading: What am I not reading? (Bonhoeffer - at least for now)

Spring Cleaning

I'm taking a break - granted, I have barely started and my mom will be home in 5 hours and expect everything to be done, but... it'll get there.

I've got 5 CDs in our home stereo system (with surround sound) and it's pretty sweet. One of the good things about having a dad who is a technological whiz is that you get access to some pretty cool toys... :)

Okay... back to cleaning now. Stuff is getting moved to the basement for summer storage and for temporary storage... and that means it all has to be sorted out and taken off of my bedroom floor (which can now be seen again - how exciting!).

Five days until Mute Math and Mat Kearny... sweet.

Mood: Particular (I'm cleaning!) Listening to: Mute Math, Reset EP
Reading: One of my brother's graduation cards

Out of place...

I went to my younger brother's last high school choir concert tonight and ran into a bunch of old friends.

Do I feel old and completely out-of-touch? Affirmative.

Yes, my baby brother is officially done with high school (his last day was today, Senior Day is tomorrow and graduation is next Friday).

Where did the time go? It seems like yesterday I was sitting on him, trying to keep him in time-out, and now, he's one of my closest friends.

And as much as I would like to stay up and ponder the weirdness that was tonight, I need to go to bed so that I can wake up in the morning and clean all day because we have people coming to clean our carpets on Friday and my room is one very large mess... :)

You know what is funny about when they dilate your pupils? Everything looks 3D... 'Night.

Mood: Mental overload Listening to: Joy Williams, Genesis
Reading: Madeleine L'Engle, Sold into Egypt

Crossin' fingers...

...And praying that I get a job.

I had an interview this morning that went really well. Really well. So... we'll see. :)

I'm a tad tired, to be sure, but no sleep for me because I have a dentist appointment in 40 minutes. Hm...

Would they have to postpone my wisdom teeth extraction if I don't show up? For whatever reason, I don't think it works like that. Oh well.

Mood: Antsy Listening to: Exit East, Exit East
Reading: Jan Karon, Out to Canaan

20 Years

I have walked (or crawled) this earth for twenty years. It's amazing how time passes.

It seems like just yesterday that I finished my first year of college, that I found my space at home unchanged by the passage of time.

And it almost seems as if the past year never happened. Almost.

If it weren't for the phone calls that I have received today from friends, both old and new, I would be tempted to believe that no time has passed whatsoever - I fit so easily back into the home of my youth.

But I'm a changed child of God at the end of the year, at the end of the month - at the end of the day.

A changed child of God who is waiting and asking, and who is only hearing silence.

And hearing silence only makes it harder to come again and ask.

"No man should stand before an audience who has not first stood before God." [[A.W. Tozer]]

I am finding it hard to stand before a God whose answer is silence, but I am still standing. I am still willing, and therein lies the difference.

"Are You listening to anything that I say?
'Cause I've been praying - how many prayers can I pray?
I'm still waiting - maybe You'll show up today.

I know You're here, but I can't feel You,
And if You're speaking, I can't hear You.
How much longer will this last?

So okay - answer me with silence.
It's okay if You don't say a word.
You're testing me to trust You'll be faithful in this quiet.
So okay - answer me with silence."

[[Joy Williams, "Silence"]]

Silence is still an answer and, if nothing more, a call to wait.

And, so, I continue to wait. In silence.

Mood: Humbled Listening to: Joy Williams, Genesis
Reading: A.W. Tozer, "The Best Things Come Hard" [[God Tells the Man Who Cares]]

Finally...

...All done. I really don't feel all that good about my Media Law final, but I did what I could and it's out of my hands.

I'm really tired, though... the last few weeks have really taken a toll on my mental capabilities.

"Officially fried" is the term I'm thinking of. It's what you get for $1900 a semester. Fun, huh?

But I get to do nothing tonight, which I'm excited for... and I'm going home tomorrow, which is bittersweet, but still something I am (at last) really excited for.

I read a lot of poems by William Cowper today in the library... what an amazing writer that man is. He knew God.

"Submission"

O Lord, my best desire fulfill,
And help me to resign
Life, health, and comfort to Thy will,
And make Thy pleasure mine.

Why would I shrink at Thy command,
Whose love forbids my fears?
Or tremble at the gracious hand
That wipes away my tears?

No, rather let me freely yield
What most I prize to Thee;
Who never hast a good withheld,
Or wilt withhold, from me.

Thy favor, all my journey through,
Thou art engaged to grant;
What else I want, or think I do,
'Tis better still to want.

Wisdom and mercy guide my way,
Shall I resist them both?
A poor blind creature of day,
And crush'd before the moth!

But ah! my inward spirit cries,
Still binds me to Thy sway;
Else the next cloud that veils the skies
Drives all these thoughts away.

Mood: Officially fried Listening to: The thunderstorm rolling in
Reading: William Cowper, The Olney Hymns

"Where It Falls"

Will You just read my heart
and tell me where it falls?
I feel I've taken it apart
and I don't know where things belong.

Will You please just guard its thoughts
and keep me from myself?
This wellspring of all life is wrought
with a state of failing health.

I don't know how to break a heart,
but I've never had to try.
For no one tries - it is not art -
and it's not easier in time.

Perhaps, had silence kept its course,
more pain might have been inflicted;
My mindset needed change by force,
but need I feel so conflicted?

I could only answer from my heart,
for, in this, falsehood has no place;
But at times, I wish my answer to depart
if only to not see a disappointed face.

But what can one do but be honest and true -
to shed light on what was once dark?
Now, in my darkness, I must cry to You:
"Father, will You just read my heart?"

©2005 Alyssa Kate Grinstead

3 and 4 Down...

...2 more on Thursday. For now, though... a brief reprieve. :)

Naptime, perhaps? Don't know. I have options now... only, I still have to study, which I will do after a few hours of doing nothing.

As for my grades, especially on my history exam, they are out of my hands... I have nothing left to give. Praise God.

1 and 2 Down...

...3,4,5, and 6 to come. :) And I even managed to get a blue book this morning. A real one.

Study time... after I catch my breath. Whew!

Mood: Less stressed Listening to: Jimmy Eat World, Bleed American
Reading: Psalms and Proverbs

In Seven Hours...

...I will be in a classroom taking a final that I have done nothing to prepare for.

Granted, it is my literature final, is open book/open note, I will at least get partial credit (all I really need is 18 out of 25 points to get an A in the class), and my professor likes my writing, so... (here's giving this one to the One who knows my stress level).

And, then, I have Visual Communication at 9am... which, hopefully, will not be too bad. I retain a lot more than I think I do.

But, then again, tomorrow will be a cakewalk compared to the rest of the week... Ick. I don't like dense exam schedules.

Check this out, though...

"The man who forms the habit of beginning without finishing has simply formed the habit of failure." [[Unknown]]

A lot of my life now makes sense. Go figure. 'Night.

Mood: Slightly frazzled Listening to: Phil Keaggy, Acoustic Sketches
Reading: Cowman, Streams in the Desert

Frustration

So... I spent a lot of the afternoon trying to get my printer to work (which it still doesn't) and then I realized that I had yet to get a blue book for my lit final tomorrow... but the bookstore on-campus isn't open on Sunday.

So, I went to the only other place that I know sells them and they closed at 6pm (I got there at 6:30 because I didn't watch the time while trying to fix my printer).

I would get one tomorrow morning (like I usually do - right before an exam), but the bookstore opens at 7:45 and my final starts at 7.

So... I have loose-leaf paper and I'm going to make a blue cover for a packet of loose-leaf paper. That will be my blue book.

And I have to study for VisComm... and I have no motivation... and I'm really tired.

I'm complaining a lot, I know - I'm sick of it, too... I just need an attitude adjustment. A BIG one.

Mood: Exasperated Listening to: Sarah Groves, The Other Side of Something
Reading: Haggai

Study Break...

Per request by Eddie... here's a soundtrack to my life (I couldn't stick to 10-12 songs... I did wheedle it down, though - believe it or not...)

1. "Meaningless Things" - Adam Watts
2. "Faith to Be Strong" - Andrew Peterson
3. "Tip of My Heart" - Bebo Norman
4. "Overkill" - The Benjamin Gate
5. "Why" - Bethany Dillon
6. "Manner and Means" - Caedmon's Call
7. "My Prayer" - Chris Rice
8. "Every Little Thing" - Dishwalla
9. "Home" - downhere
10. "Rations" - Foolish Things
11. "Forgive Me" - Foolish Things
12. "Own Me" - Ginny Owens
13. "Martyrs and Thieves" - Jennifer Knapp
14. "My Desire" - Jeremy Camp
15. "Just Perfect" - Monarch
16. "Control" - Mute Math
17. "River God" - Nichole Nordeman
18. "When All I Knew Was You" - Red Letter Edition
19. "We Will Continue" - Smalltown Poets
20. "Let That Be Enough" - Switchfoot
21. "Tight Rope Line" - The Turning
22. "Take My Hand" - The Turning
23. "Hands in the Air" - The Waiting
24. "Out of My Bondage, Sorrow, and Night" - William T. Sleeper

Mood: Tired Listening to: Monarch, The Grandeur that was Rome
Reading: World History, chapter outlines

What just made my day...

The Narnia trailer is online!

Only if for a while...

...I'm at home. I unloaded five boxes of stuff, two large bags of clothing, a Christmas tree, and a ton of shoes at my parents' house over the last few hours.

It's kind of strange to think of coming home to find quiet and rest, but that is what this is...

I'm going to hit the books for a while... Six finals! I serve the One who sees and carries me. :)

Mood: Braindead Listening to: Coldplay, Parachutes
Reading: Communications Law

Pray...

I just got a call from one of the jobs I applied for... I have to call the lady back after class because she wants to talk about my résumé, so... pray. :)

Mood: Hopeful Listening to: Relient K, MmHmm
Reading: Edwin Smith, "All of Me"

Is it really May?

I guess so, because I have officially entered into a strange mixture of Spring Fever and finals anxiety.

In about a week, I will be going home after having finished my second year of school. The past semester, I have learned so much from both my classes and from everything that God is teaching me in my own life.

Despite how busy I've been, I have made time for fellowship and, through that fellowship, God has been healing me.

"When the burden seems too much to bear, remember the end will justify the pain it took to get us there." [[Relient K, "Let It All Out"]]

Healing requires pain in the beginning, but how sweet it is in the end.

How sweet it is to look forward to going home - to finally find rest.

What a year it has been! What amazing things our Father has in store for us!

"In the morning, O Lord, You hear my voice; In the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation." [[Psalm 5:3]]

Mood: Anticipatory Listening to: Relient K, MmHmm Reading: OT Survey

Have you seen my voice?

What a weekend!

Friday night, I went out with some friends from church to Coldstone and, although I didn't have anything, it was quite entertaining because it turns out a few people in college group think I'm dating one of my good guy friends, so... :)

I went to bed with a recognizable peace and woke up with resounding joy.

I spent Saturday morning running errands and doing laundry and just rejoicing in God and in His faithfulness... and I listened to music again and actually got to sing for a while (which was awesome).

But alas, we were on our way down to Pueblo to see Jimmy Eat World and Taking Back Sunday and we stopped in Castle Rock for a short break (which was made longer because Dave wouldn't get back in the car). Between the time that we stopped and the time we got back on the road, my voice died. Sad day.

So, we spent time with Laura and Jimmy is completely awesome live... it was really cold, though, which did absolutely nothing for this cold/sinus/whatever thing I've developed over the last week.

We drove up to the north side of the Springs for the night and stayed at Chris' house. Halfway through "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Part 2", I fell asleep (I was exhauted and just couldn't stay awake). Nonetheless, I slept really well Saturday night.

Sunday morning, we drove back up to Fort Collins and I sat down to try and get some work done but failed because I felt so terrible (my voice was even worse than it had been Saturday). Last night, we watched "Goonies" (well... I didn't exactly watch all of it).

Chels and I wound up in Nick's room while he was trying to write a paper and ended up talking about marriage for several more hours than we should have after my mom told me not to strain my voice. I finally went to bed and woke up this morning with my voice the size of a whisper.

As the day went on, I just felt terrible (which is compounded by the fact that I have gotten so little sleep recently) and although I meant to get stuff done, I felt so badly that I managed to get nothing done (again). After dinner, my throat started hurting and it hasn't stopped... It keeps getting worse (along with my voice) and my throat is really constricted right now (I know you really wanted to know that).

But Bible study was really cool tonight... it was the last one of the semester. Our leaders washed our feet and prayed over us and then we washed our leader's feet and prayed for her. To finish out the night, we prayed for our brothers (who are amazing) and they prayed for us.

So much blessing... so little time. God is awesome.

But now I have no voice. Seriously. I was talking to Becky and it just kept getting less and less... until I was coughing every few words. And I'm still coughing.

Really tired... and I have class at 8am. Fun. Only four more days of class - praise God!

Mood: Exhausted Listening to: Switchfoot, New Way to be Human Reading: Blogs

"God Moves in a Mysterious Way"

God moves in a mysterious way,
His wonders to perform;
He plants His footsteps in the sea
And rides upon the storm.

Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,
But trust Him for His grace;
Behind a frowning providence
Faith sees a smiling face.

Blind unbelief is sure to err
And scan His work in vain;
God is His own interpreter,
And He will make it plain.

You fearful saints, fresh courage take;
The clouds you so much dread
Are big with mercy and shall break
In blessing on your head.

[[William Cowper, 1731-1800]]