20 Years

I have walked (or crawled) this earth for twenty years. It's amazing how time passes.

It seems like just yesterday that I finished my first year of college, that I found my space at home unchanged by the passage of time.

And it almost seems as if the past year never happened. Almost.

If it weren't for the phone calls that I have received today from friends, both old and new, I would be tempted to believe that no time has passed whatsoever - I fit so easily back into the home of my youth.

But I'm a changed child of God at the end of the year, at the end of the month - at the end of the day.

A changed child of God who is waiting and asking, and who is only hearing silence.

And hearing silence only makes it harder to come again and ask.

"No man should stand before an audience who has not first stood before God." [[A.W. Tozer]]

I am finding it hard to stand before a God whose answer is silence, but I am still standing. I am still willing, and therein lies the difference.

"Are You listening to anything that I say?
'Cause I've been praying - how many prayers can I pray?
I'm still waiting - maybe You'll show up today.

I know You're here, but I can't feel You,
And if You're speaking, I can't hear You.
How much longer will this last?

So okay - answer me with silence.
It's okay if You don't say a word.
You're testing me to trust You'll be faithful in this quiet.
So okay - answer me with silence."

[[Joy Williams, "Silence"]]

Silence is still an answer and, if nothing more, a call to wait.

And, so, I continue to wait. In silence.

Mood: Humbled Listening to: Joy Williams, Genesis
Reading: A.W. Tozer, "The Best Things Come Hard" [[God Tells the Man Who Cares]]